When the 'sick' become 'the forgotten'

At what point do the 'sick' become 'the forgotten'??

This is a question I find myself asking today and so far I've come up with a few difference answers to this seemingly bizarre question. "what is she talking about" ...well let me explain.

What I enjoy most about blogging is having my own little space where I can write down whats on my mind. Sometime's this can be something funny or sometimes these thoughts can be pretty sad. Today I am in a state of bewilderment, a sort of 'not really sure how I feel' kind of day. If you're one of these people who have Crohn's Disease or Ulcerative Colitis and are of the attitude 'IBD is only a small part of me' or 'IBD wont get me down, I'll show who's boss' then great and all credit to you, you give me hope on my unhappy days....however this blog post is probably not for you.

Today's blog post if for the 'forgotten few", yes you! Home on your own not doing much while life is busy passing you by. Well what'dya know....me too :) I too have spent far too much time sitting around on my backside while the world has been busy passing on by without me getting stuck in. In complete honesty, I kind of didn't notice it was happening. I hardly ever know what day of the week it is, never know the time, nor do I count the days....everything is just one big kind of blur.

I find myself having fallen into a bit of an empty pit without even realizing I was in it. Which brings me back to my question 'at what point do the sick become the forgotten?' I'm sure many people who have a chronic illness will have experienced how quiet your mobile phone can get, or how people slowly over time just stop turning up at your front door. Its hard not to feel like I have been forgotten.

No one calls....no one. I know life can be pretty busy for most but unless I pick up the phone...no one calls.
Where do all of my friends think I've gone? Do all of these people think I am sitting on a sun lounger having the time of my life? I don't get it. These people are people I have relied on for the last 10 years, some are my dearest friends....yet still...no one calls. A side to chronic illness that people often forget to mention is that it can be incredibly lonely, day in, day out, just you by yourself trying to tackle this huge mountain ahead of you.

Letting go...I have learnt to let go since becoming unwell. Take my advice when I say you will learn who your true friends are and who are the ones who just take up your time.

All of my family and friends are currently out and about in the big world while I'm sat here taking some 'me' time. Regrouping, dusting myself down and preparing to throw myself head first straight back into the rat race so to speak. 5 years is a long time to have lived a relentless battle every single day with such a life changing illness as Inflammatory Bowel Disease but I'm sure this is also a similar case with other illnesses.

Not only have friends forgotten about me...I find I've somewhat forgotten myself. Over the last few months I have gradually lost interest in ME. I can go for days sitting in my pajamas without giving a care to getting dressed. I've not put a brush through my hair or even looked in a mirror- 'whats the point, I'm not going anywhere anyway' or maybe due to extreme fatigue. Somewhere along the line I feel like I have lost the energetic woman who loved life. Granted, the person I am today and the person I was 5 years ago are worlds apart. Whilst some of my old qualities have vanished over time, these are now replaced with even better ones. It's an everyday process but it's hard not to feel a little lost and confused ...which makes it far too easy to forget YOU. Who are YOU?? Who is that person that you find yourself being today?

I find myself just 'existing' because for now...that's all the strength I have.