I wanted to talk about Visitors. Whether they be invited or the uninvited kind.
I'll be the first to admit that I'm not keen on visitors, of either kind. I guess in one way that makes me sound anti-social and maybe I am. To me, being at home is where I can relax and be totally myself. I mean Totally!! The hair is a mess, the pajamas are on and I slob around like I should be ashamed - I'm not ha! For being at home should be the place where I feel free to do whatever the heck I choose to do. If I want to dance like a plonker to a really great tune on the radio then chances are the neighbours will have great free entertainment for the evening. I like to feel relaxed, where the eyes of the world are not on me and the only place I get this is my home.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not putting up pretenses when I am out in the big wild world but at home is the 'me' no one really wants to see. Goodness knows what my future husband will make of the at home me because its not pretty haha.
When I was younger my mates seemed to think we had an open door policy at our house. Yes we were all kids and probably didn't know any better but they used to take it upon themselves to just SHOW UP. If you were lucky and they were feeling polite you would get a knock on the door - though this rarely happened. Instead they would just barge in and make themselves at home. I tired all sorts to avoid the unwanted visits. I mean hanging out with your mates when you're in the mood for it and it is on your terms is much more enjoyable than simply putting up with someone who just shows up. So I tried valiantly to avoid these pesky kids (they were also my good friends on the times they were welcomed into my home so don't feel sorry for them ha I promise I was good to them). I found myself hiding in my wardrobe, attempted to bribe family members to tell them I was not in (I was a child, if I was not out with the people enquiring for me where else would I realistically be?! and I think they knew this) so I took to hiding underneath my bed. Needless to say none of these plans thwarted their eagle eyes and they found me every time.
Now I am older and have since moved house I guess they no longer have the same open door policy opportunity. A good 15 years on I still don't like visitors. I mean can you blame me?! Maybe I am rebelling against those in my childhood now that I have a little more say over who comes to my front door. The worst visitors by far are the 'unannounced visitors'. The ones who show up because they 'were passing'. I am slobbed out on the sofa with half a demolished sandwich between my teeth and now I'm expecting to roll out the red carpet for you and welcome you in for a chat. Hmm don't think so. Again I hide behind my sofa, hope they feel no one is in and retreat to their own homes. Oh come on, I bet there are plenty of you who hide behind the sofa!
My favourite visitor is the delivery man, even though I have to SPRING out of bed, sprint down the stairs to find the keys and open the door to run out into the street waving my arms about all in the time it takes for him to walk ten steps back to his van - challenge accepted! No I do not have my eye on the postman ha! The poor bloke gets an eyeful of the 'at home me' which makes him a brave man and it's no wonder he runs back to his van so quick.
I'm totally awkward around visitors and this goes for handy men too. If something needs to be fixed in the house I usually retreat to the safety of my bedroom and lock myself away there until they leave. I feel really silly and never know what to do with myself. I can't simply 'get on' with my usual around the house behaviour because breaking out in song will make them leave and not want to return.
Since becoming unwell with Ulcerative Colitis I dread people calling over even more. My house is super hollow; there is never enough going on here for me to blend into the background and not be noticed. Who wants to be flattened on the landing because I've needed to run to the bathroom in the blink of an eye. Then you have to face the possibility of meeting them on the return from the bathroom a good while later #Awkward!
Don't get me wrong, those who are poorly need to see a friendly face from time to time. We enjoy your company when we are not so utterly exhausted. Where would we be if it were not for the support friends and family give during tough times. My advice to those thinking of visiting would be CALL IN ADVANCE - I'm no talking 'I'm around the corner I'll pop in' no; because that will just put us in a flap, make us worry and land up in a panic. Give us a little head start and make your visit SHORT AND SWEET! If someone you know is having a really tough day maybe cook them tea and let them know you're doing to drop it by. I'm sure the quick gesture will go a long way! Chances are that we wont be up to entertaining you because honestly we are so tired simply trying to hold ourselves together. There for maybe drop some magazines off to show that you are thinking of us without you being here so long you sink into the sofa. Sometimes the short visits are the most treasured.
In all honesty I just hate visitors! This is my home; it's my space to relax, unwind and be a complete mess. If I feel like entertaining guests then that is completely different, I have invited you over on MY TERMS. This usually means I've had time to tidy a little, brace myself for your arrival and put my best smile on.
What do you think? Do you embrace visitors or do you hide behind the sofa like I usually do?! What things do visitors do that you like? Let me know your thoughts and opinions in the comments box.
Before I was sick, I played social, coed soccer (mixed men an women) and was quite keen meeting new people at work or while out. Then I spent 5 years in isolation, too sick to do much, so when I started to feel better (with an ostomy), I began craving social contact again. I really enjoyed the short nurse visits I had post-op and love having people over, but you're right - it's much easier when it's on my terms and not out of the blue.
ReplyDeleteFriends and family should respect that you just may not be up to visits and should always call (way) ahead to see if you're ok with it.
I totally agree!! "I'm round the corner" is not good notice ha!
DeleteWhen you have any form of IBD, not wanting visitors does not make you anti-social. What it does make you is "human." Dealing with IBD is hard enough without having to deal with constantly unexpected guests. Heaven knows that I have had to develop the skill of NOT answering the door when I don't feel up to things.
ReplyDeleteI also agree completely with Vegan Ostomy in that friends and family who know you have IBD should appreciate that fact, and extend you the courtesy to call ahead and see if you are up for having visitors. OK, rant over :-)
It's good to know that I am not the only one hiding behind the sofa until visitors turn away :)
DeleteI am the same Victoria, when I have no energy to do housework and it looks as if I haven't hoovered for six months, there will be a ringing of the doorbell, as I take in parcels for a neighbour I have to answer it and dread it being some-one I know. Luckily or unluckily whichever way you want to look at it most of my so called friends abandoned me as I don't go out much (I also have severe anxiety presenting as Agoraphobia) so rarely is it a visitor. I love my family to visit though as they know what I am dealing with. xx
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